Byla ne byla
by Barbara Maria Rathbone
If I had a Russian Grandmother, she would have said this to me, as an Italian Nonna would say – ‘quello che sarà, sarà…’ Those who are older than us understand the caprices of fate so much more. What will be will be… it must be. Yet, when I take a blow I think of the butterfly – the heart of resurrection oblivious to time, reborn in a moment as she must be. I am getting a tattoo of one soon, for the butterfly is my symbol.
I have found when challenged by fate, I only open my arms wider to the world. I have no need after the first pains to sit in loss, I only look it at from ‘both sides now’ as Joni Mitchell sang, and take a measure of what has been thrown at me, learn to see it as it really is – outside of me, certainly not a part of me but of something else, and redress it in possibility. Yes, it probably sounds like a cliché but I look at this ‘imposter just the same’ as if I had been given a great gift.
For what pain should I feel when I have lived in my own truth and once knew the love that climbs into your soul and never leaves, that changes everything? When I have breathed through every blow and learnt to draw full breath again and love life for its panoply of POSSIBILITY.
There are no rules but possibility – nothing dies to us, it is only reborn in a new form. The energy of life is the old idea of the law of attraction – you draw it to yourself, you magnetise it, not by the confinement of hope to one thing or one idea, the labelling of desire. Open it out and see what else you can see in the folds that are hidden for an action disguises so many things.
To be happy is to feel the bounty of life’s rhythms – fast, slow, moderato, inbetween the occassional interrupted cadence. The surprise intake of breath – the unexpected oxygen of hope can lie in the most mordant of gestures. Nothing is as bad as it seems and sometimes it is better. What you desire will come to you – byla ne byla – and it will be beautiful, kinder and more replete than you had hoped.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
For no reason at all but that she is wonderful, here is my namesake singing the ravishing ‘L’Aigle Noir’ –